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yeah. [13 Jan 2005|04:28am]
so, it's been months since i've updated this, which no one reads anyway. so..why am i typng this? nevermind.
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goddammit... [08 Jul 2004|06:17am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Just typed a whole big rant, when the freaking computer freezes up on me.

Anyway, to summarize:

Bush is a shithole, and his administraion is fucking up this country in very, very bad ways.

Kerry is a big huge douche, and isn't going to win. I just don't see it happening.

My wish for the 2004 election: Cheney bows out because his evil, mechanical, oil burning heart is fucking him up, Bush chooses McCain as his new running mate, and promptly gets a few rounds of sniper ammo briefly introduced to his skull (note I didn't say anything about brain tissue, since I doubt they'd hit any.)

Maybe, JUST MAYBE, then we might not be as fucked as we will undoubtedly be next january.

And remember, my friends who may or may not be right leaning: You can still be a conservative and realize Bush is a moron.

(for me, give me good old fashioned anarchy. Not that "let's smash up a starbucks in black hoods" bullshit, the real, old fashioned stuff.)

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cha-cha-cha-changes....wait...didn't I use that once before? [22 May 2004|06:14am]
alrighty, a few things to mention...

- i'm getting rpomoted at KFC, i'll be managing shifts soon, and i'll most likely be assistant by the end of the year. this means more money, which leads into...

- i recently got my learner's permit, and will be soon getting my liscense, then a car. why?

- because with the raise i got with the promotion, i can afford it, and i'll need it to open/close the store by myself instead of hitching a ride.

- i can't say that i've lead a rough life, but i've had my moments. this, however, tops it all off. Nver have i been so closely driven to the edge of total, irrevocable madness.


(you'll need quicktime.)

Yeah, just...yeah.

that's pretty much it.
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oops, forgot. [22 Feb 2004|05:08am]
[ mood | energetic ]

Tsunami bomb is the motherfucking shit. go steal thier music, now.

some favorties, in a handsome bulleted list. that's right, moth-fucker. Yeah, you. the guy that fucks moths.

- the simple truth (for when you want to take it down a notch, this is now me and dreen's theme, if I ever make a movie in which we require a theme. this chick's voice is like a velvet aural erection.)

- the invasion from within (if you've played disgeaea, you know about this song. it's good stuff, just crazy insane punk nonsense that sounds good.)

- El Daiblo - more crazy punk stuff. good music for a foot chase in a movie.

- lemonade - more laid-back, and more garage (car-hole) sounding then anything else.

- take the reigns - I love this fucking song. i could play the first 25 seconds over and over again for an hour. the rest is good too.

- oh, wait...that's all I got.

This band is seriously cool. probably cool enough to actually warrant me paying money for a cd.


enough talk, mail time.

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i suppose i might as well explain myself... [22 Feb 2004|04:16am]
[ mood | good ]

It sucks that you can update your "this is the shit that's going on in my life" thing because there's so much going on in your life. fucking irony.

keep in mind this is the only time I had in a long long time to do so much as anything resembling leisure, and even now it's only to catch up with myself on this thing. forgive the typos, as i'm just pulling shit out of my ass as i think of it.

ok...hold up a second while I try and figure out what's gone on in the last...lord the fuck knows.

ok, ok...so I quit sears (a terrible, shitty, low paying shit job if there ever was one), spend the shitty holidays in EB, and luckily I get enough hours during that period to let me and the missus just barely scrape by. I attamepted to contact bill on numerous occasions, and decided "ah, fuck it, I've got to stop depending on people." Also, his phone was shut off, so I couldn't exactly call him in the first place.

This is where Narrative Causality steps in. (my personal theory that stuff happens the way it does because it sounds better in a story.)

So, after the holiday period the new schedule for the week is put up, and I have 12 hours for one week, and 10 the next. Rejo, on the other hand, has 38.

Now, do the math here. Rejo is a college student who has very few fiscal responsibilities. I'm married, practically supporting my mother, and paying off a 20-something-thousand dollar loan. Is this fair? Granted, Rejo performs well in the store, better than me, but he's there very nearly every day, whether scheduled or not, and has very few responsibilities pulling at his mind. I, on the other hand, am getting pulled in several dozen directions. but enough of that.

So, I obviously have to get a second job. me and dreen both look around for a few days, and guess who calls? Bill, and he's offering a job at KFC.

Isn't it odd how you find things just when you stop looking for them?

As it turns out, bill went through some family stuuf, some relationship stuff, and some financial stuff all in one huge shot, just as he got fired. Now, this'll put anyone in a bad state, and bill was no exception. couple this with the fact that his batshit-insane ex-but-doesn't-quite-understand-the-ex-part-girlfriend left him 103 (that's one hundred and fucking three) consecutive voicemails in one day. he stopped paying his phone bill, and just ducked under the radar, while he sorted out all that was happening to him.

As promised, he wanted to pull me out, but he needed to be trained first. Since he management re-training was over, he now had a job for me. I accepted. I'm now the proud and happy mid-man in the KFC in historic Collingswood, NJ. I'm getting free food almost every day, making SEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS AN HOUR to make side dishes and dick around for a shift, and am getting no less than 30 hours a week. transportation is more of less free since i work the same shifts as bill, and life is motherfucking good. I've been there about 5 weeks, give or take.

But. And of course, there is a but. actually several.

1: The hours are late. when we close (and i'm usually closing) i'm not out of there until 1, and not home until about 1:30, sometimes later.

2: I've had very few days off, and very little time to do anything I've really wanted to do. most of my free time in the last 5 weeks I've spent asleep, in the shower, or doing the typical errands you just have to do. it's been so bad we promised a friend of dreen's we'd make her fudge for valentines day. we just made a few hours ago.

3: I now despise EB. the job that I've loved for so damn long, and that's been a source of so much...who knows what, I now despise. The weekly shift I work there now (sundays, open to close) is nearly unbearable. the customers are morons, the company is greedy and rediculously draconic...it's just unnesscesary now. i'll be quitting as soon as i get mike laid (long story.)

4: Rejo's true self has been revealed to me over the last five or so weeks. At first he was a nice guy, justy a little on teh annoying side. With bill's absense he's dropped the "part of the team" pretense and is now out for himself, and himself only. He is (and always has been, I've onyl just noticed) a greedy, shameless kissass and opportunist. more on this if i'm prodded to explain. I can't stand being in the same room with him now.

5: I've completely neglected basically every creative thing I had going for myself. I've not drawn or written anything for so long i can;t actually remember when i last did. my only contact with matt has been readng his blog in between bi-weekly mail checks/spam deleting, I've not seen pennypack park in ages, hell, I've not even sat down and played a godamn video game. I need to start sleeping less. And as many times as you've heard this, i'm sorry, matt. there's just so much crap going on right now. I tried to stop back at west coast. I also know that's not going to do shit to solve anything, as i doubt you check this, as i've not really updated it in 3 months. I'll probably drop yuou a mail and explain a few left out bits more. i'll just skip the rest, since you're prtty much the only person who reads this.

So yeah. a lot of shit's been going on, and while i've kind been lost in the middle of it, the more comfortable i get with KFC (and god, what a cushy job it is.), the more i'll be able to facilitate my free time. Pluss, i'll actually be making enough money to live, and HAVE SOME LEFT OVER. i'm not even sure of the last time i was able to say that.

So it's 5 o clock now. This has taken me a full hour to write, and i have no idea if it's length, since i've revised nothing. oh well.

God, matt, i miss you, and I miss actually being able to goof off. but i gues what i originally thought about being an adult in our society is right. you get to do less and less of what you want to.

then again, i've just stayed up till 5am to update an internet diary. not exactly the most adult thing in the world. maybe i've got some youth in reserves. here's to youthening up some. I'll be practicing youthenasia. Heh. poor english puns at 5 am. it's been a while.

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yes, motherfucker. [01 Feb 2004|07:47am]
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what's cooler than being cool? freezing your fucking ass off. [15 Dec 2003|01:01am]
[ mood | awake ]

No real reason for the title, other than the fact that I'm listening to that outkast song now. Catchy as all fuck, really. The video's not all that bad either, if you subtract the screaming women. Just a guy multiplied a whole bunch of times dancing his crazy ass off.

In a good mood now, I think I'll start writing after this.

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All hands, abandon the everliving fuck out of this ship! [13 Nov 2003|12:10am]
[ mood | depressed ]

(First, efore we start off, about the music: I know I can't speak hindi, and I can't be sure if the lyrics aren't "kill whitey, kill whitey," that doesn't make the sound of the language any less pretty.)

If you were wondering, yeah, I'm alive, but work blows, and my other work sucks. I guess that's evened off, but stil...

Bill, the store manager, and Gabe, one of the guys I started working with, both left the company monday. They're just sick of the bullshit, and rightfully so. Our DM, Ben "stupid cocksucker" Bullaro, has pushed us to hard, broke too many promises, and expects us to just roll over and take it in the ass. Now, to top off all of the nonsense this motherfucker chased away two of my brothers. He removed two people that I cared for more than my own family, and with it he took my security, and immediate future, which is completely up in the air now. I don't know how long I can stay in my job at EB, which was going to provide full benefits starting next year. I don't know if my future job will even have benefits. I don't even know if I have another job in line. This piano salesman, who can't even close a register down without calling tech support, who's not fit to run a single store, let alone a district of stores, took any certainty from my future.

I did not know the true meaning of hate until this week. If I had the opportunity, I would end Ben Bullaro's pissant life and not even hesitate to blink. And I'm dead. Fucking. Serious.

Gabe's still working at UPS, and looking elsewhere for work, and Bill starts up at his new job tomorrow. His job? Assistant manager of a KFC in jersey.

It sounds bad, but he's making 45,000 a year (as opposed to 30-something at Eb), plus free food and benefits, all for less work. I made a promise a long time ago that if Bill walked, we'd all walk, and I'm stciking to that promise. So, I'll be making more money myself (he said something about shift supervisor, then assistant when he moves up), be getting free chicken, and getting a free ride to and from work every day. All in all, not a bad move, I'll just smell somewhat extra crispy from now on. I've not been able to get in contact with him, but when he gives the word, I'm rolling. I said I'd walk, but I need a place to walk TO before I take a step, know what I mean? Bills to pay, etc.

Outside of that, it's been basically the same. If the PS2 goes through with it's rumored price drop, I might have to wait a little before I leave Sears (which is a total shithole)...Hell, 10% off of a game system is a pretty sweet deal. Then again, if I start up at KFC, I'll be make the 9 bucks back...Descisions, descis-fuck Sears.

But then again, I'm not even sure I'm getting this KFC job. I've called Bill Three times, and each time it's his voice mail. Come on, fucker...get me out of here. The ship is sinking, and I can't get out unless you pull me out.

Come on...anything.

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FUUUUUCK.....FUUUUUCKK!!!! [12 Oct 2003|11:40pm]
[ mood | determined ]

No particular reason for the topic name, just felt like saying it.

Yeah, I've not been updating. Tehre's an excellent reason for that too, that being there's nothing interesting going on in my life. I wake up, I work at sears (which would suck a whole lot less if I was actually getting paid for the work done...more on that later) when I dont work at EB (which is increasingly less for some reason...), I come home from whichever job, I eat whatever me and dreen want to eat/can find in the house, I sleep, repeat steps...oh, wait...no numbers.

So yeah, Sears blows. Everyone in electronics (and the whole 2nd floor, apparently) works on 100% commission, so my lazy, camel-lipped assfucking dicksuck of a manager can schedule as many people on as he wants (no hours to worry about), which means we have to fight each other for whatever scraps of sales we can take home. Couple this with the people who do nothing but hang around the TVs and snap at people who so much as look at a high ticket sale, and you've got me mentally making a list of the first people to torture and kill when The Revolution comes. Oh yes, motherfucker... Violent flamethrower death orgy of fucking christ a-live shit dick fuck cunt ARGH.

What's worse, I very well could leave Sears, but I'd have to find another job, and when you're about to take a three week vacation to sinagpore, it's best to come home to one burnt bridge instead of two. So I'm stciking it out with sears until after "the holidays," then when singapore time rolls around, I'm telling them I'm going, and i'd like to come back, but if not, I'm ok with that too.

I would NOT like to come back, but it's best to be polite.

So yeah, singapore. Heading out mid-january, in time for chinese new year, barring another outbreak of "teh SARS." If that actually happens, fuck it, I'm still going. Just with a worlds's biggest bottle of lysol in one hand, and scuba gear in the other.

which brings me to my future. I've finally decided what I want to do with my life, it's not exactly well paying, but at least i've got that "I've got a direction" thing going. I guess I've always wanted to tell stories, but while i do like to draw, animation just wasn't going to be my thing. there's just things that people do that you can't translate into paper or CG. I want to make films. Matt, I'd like to start one with you, but time is kind of not on my side at the moment, with my money troubles being what they are. I would love more than anything on earth than to not have to worry about money, but until I can find a job that ends up with me going home with enough for my wife and I to live comfortably (which isn't a lot) I'm stuck.

I want to be unstuck. I want to be able to take the stuff in my head and pull it out for lots of people to see, but I don't have time to do this because I'm working, trying to make enough money to free myself from having to work so much. This huge 22 is being thrown at me, and I'm without a glove.

Sorry Ms. Angelou, but I know why the caged bird sings. That's bird for "Get me the fuck out of this cage."

I'm a canary with a bolt cutter. Watch the fuck out, because once I learn how to use a bolt cutter with a beak, I'm going to be one scary ass canary. Tweet tweet, bitch.

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goddamn morons... [19 Sep 2003|01:08am]
I, currently, hate everyone, and pretty much everything, and I don't want to be cheered up.
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bleh... [18 Sep 2003|02:59am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

Lately i've been feeling kinda lost, sorta...like out of touch with my usual self, sorta deal.

I'm not really sure what else to put.

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I'm not sure what's sadder about the N-Gage: [06 Sep 2003|12:50am]
1: the fact with the amount of cash the Ngage costs, you can pick up a tiny PSone with a hundred bucks worth of games (which translates loosely into "a huge fucking fuckton of games"), have yourself an 8-year-old-shitty-game-orgy if you want, and still have 150 bucks left over.

2: You have yank the fucking battery to change games. what an excellent design here, you obviously know a ton about games.

3: one of the launch games is the first tomb raider (yeah, the first one, where Titty McBoobguns herself is comprised of like, 10 polygons)

4: Red Faction, one of the greatest "blow shit up" games ever, is being revamped for the system byu the guys who did daikatana. Seriously.

5: I have to force people to put 50 bucks on this shit peice of shitty shit. I hate you, electronics boutique.
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wow [05 Sep 2003|05:18am]
[ mood | quixotic ]

I just realized how long that is. It's like "crazy old man in the woods writing to the new york times" long.

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ranty ranty! [05 Sep 2003|04:57am]
I just wrote this for my friend's site (found here.) I gotta warn you, It's angry. VERY angry, and the content below might offend some people I know. Just to warn you, there are exceptions to everything, including this.

once again: the feelings expressed here have nothing to do with anyone I know. if i didn't like you, I wouldn't know you.


You know what really pisses me off? You do.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, people who like things because they’re popular.

Fuck you, people who dislike things because they’re popular.

Fuck you, people who dislike things because disliking them is popular.

Fuck people who do ANYTHING just because other people are doing it too.

Fuck you, Beck. You’ve got a good voice, but for the love of god, your songs don’t make any sense at all, even when you’re as ridiculously high as you must be when you write them.

Fuck you, Eminem. No particular reason, I just think you’d be used to that by now.

Fuck all the whiny little emo pricks out there. The only things you do are vomit up all your petty angst onto your livejournal using little frowny emoticons, cry, and cut yourself. Hell, the only reason you cut yourself is because you’ve heard that other people do it. Five years ago, these are the people who would be taking their personal problems out on their peers, throwing on trench coats, and shooting the living shit out of their schools. Deplorable, yes, but at least those guys had balls.

Fuck Goths. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with these people. I understand the need to rebel and all, and looking shocking is a big part of that, but it’s looking “shocking,” not ”like a fucking moron.” You’re just as bad as every other high school social class that pigeonholes themselves by what they wear and what shit brand of shit music they listen to. In fact, you’re exactly the same, only you wear more black, and get beaten the shit out of. And you deserve it, too.

Fuck the fictional music genre hip-hop. Fuck the 30-year old black men lounging in the back of a 75,000 dollar SUV sipping 130 dollar a bottle fermented rat piss and pretending they’re “gangsta.” You’re making an ass out of yourself, and spending all of your finite supply of money on pathetic little toys that will be out of fashion faster than you are. In 10 years, when Jay-z is hawking cut-rate car insurance on late night TV, I am going to start laughing, and I’m not sure when I‘ll stop.

Fuck the Rave scene. While you’re probably responsible for the survival of the glowstick and flashy lights industry, You’re probably the saddest bunch of people I’ve ever seen. And by the way, the twitching you do while your ecstasy-bathed spinal cord parboils in it’s own juices doesn’t count as dancing.

Fuck Ravers. You’re exactly like Goths, only with less makeup, and more drugs. Your music is shit, too.

Fuck you, weekend bar scene. Call me crazy, but drinking poison until I can’t stand straight, or vomiting on my own shoes and pissing myself just doesn’t sound like fun to me. Who cares, though? The only people who do this anymore are alcoholics, fat 17-year-old white girls who want to do something illegal that someone else will be responsible for if they get caught, and the people who want to fuck the aforementioned fat, underage bitches. Fuck you.

Fuck you, anyone who takes any sort of illegal drug, and most of the legal ones. Yeah, life sucks, but there are methods of pointless, empty escapism that don’t leave you half-dead at fifty, coughing up your own organs. In fact, never mind; continue to poison yourself. You deserve what you’ll get in the end.

Fuck you, television. There’s only three shows I’m remotely interested in anymore, They’re all cartoons, and two of them have been cancelled. Everything else is the same mindless, derivative garbage spewed out by rich, overfed old men trying to be each other, beat each other, and jerk each other off at the same time.

Fuck you, Washington DC. I’d tell you to try actually solving the nation’s problems for once, instead of pointing fingers at who you think is to blame for them, but then you wouldn’t be able to do what you love most: increasing your own power, and lying to us at every opportunity.

Fuck you, Los Angeles. Everything you have ever done is a shallow fantasy, half the people who live there are almost completely made of plastic and botox, and the other half are poor, nearly homeless, and dying of cancer from your toxic air. When the earthquake comes that breaks you off from the rest of the country and sinks you to the bottom of the pacific, I swear to god I’ll cheer.

Fuck you, Reality TV. I’m not sure what’s worse: the fact that the insane games you play with people are branded as reality, or the fact the whole fucking country is hypnotized by the bullshit you broadcast; the debasement of human nature that’s more sadistic than most Japanese game shows. You take all that’s pure in humanity, strip away its soul, and peddle it like a 14-year-old prostitute.

Fuck you, everyone who thinks they can make it on American Idol. You can’t sing, you certainly can’t dance, and you have no redeeming worth to this society whatsoever. For that matter, fuck everyone who thinks they can make it at all. You can’t. Not unless you’re pretty, can be molded into whatever by whoever decides to own you, and can suck a mean cock.

Fuck pop music. Whatever happened to bands who write their own damn music? Whatever happened to bands? All I see now is a bunch of pretty little white kids who are thrown together and controlled wholly by their record company. Professional music is dead, and it’s been dead for years. Nobody likes this shit, they just haven’t found out that they don’t like it yet.

Fuck anyone who’s a fan of Insane Clown Posse, and puts ANYTHING on the Internet. You can’t spell, you can barely form a coherent sentence, and for fuck’s sake, “juggalo” is NOT A WORD. You should not be allowed within ten feet of a computer until you learn that the natural state of the caps lock key is off. And take that fucking makeup off, the only people who should look remotely like that are Chinese opera performers, and at least their makeup application requires talent.

Fuck Furries, and everything related to them. You’re all sick assholes who want to fuck animals, but don’t have the balls to make that jump. Either that, or you’re too much of a pussy to take the scratching and clawing. Either way, you deserve to have your genitals physically ripped from your body.

Fuck everyone who posts on Internet forums. You’re all elitist, opinionated attention whores whose only wish is to have your posts agreed upon by the other elitist, opinionated attention whores.

Fuck a good 90% of the websites on the Internet. You cannot draw, you cannot write poetry or music, you’re not marginally talented in any way, and NO ONE wants to sign your guestbook. Fuck you.

Fuck anyone who drives on Roosevelt Boulevard, at any given time. You cannot drive. You should not be allowed in a car, ever. You should be forced to walk wherever you go for the rest of your worthless lives.

Fuck the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority. You are one of the most expensive mass transit systems in the entire country. You’re also one of the worst quality mass transit systems in the entire country. Enough said.

Fuck Megatokyo. You can draw backgrounds well but your people suck, and when you, at random, actually decide to continue your shitty self-insertion robot fuck fanfic, the plot moves at glacial speeds. You don’t even know where your story is going, and it shows. But, it’s based in Japan, and it’s got angst, so people love it. Fred Gallagher, while I’m sure you might be a pretty nice guy, I fucking hate you.

Fuck people who like things just because they’re Japanese. If Japan pumped out a bunch of child molestation snuff films, you’d eat that shit up like it was cotton candy. You make me fucking sick.

Fuck anyone who ever perpetuated the fantasy that if you work hard enough, you’ll get what you want out of life.

Fuck people who think the world behaves like their TV tells them it does.

Fuck you, you pathetic loser bastards that make up this country. You’re fat, you have horrible tastes in entertainment, you wear seventy dollar jeans that were made by a 6-year-old in Taiwan making five cents an hour, and worst of all, you blame EVERY ONE of your ridiculously overblown problems on EVERYTHING but what and who is to blame: yourselves.
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Ow, ow ow fucking ow ow ow. [30 Aug 2003|12:57am]
My last two wisdom teeth are coming in, and one of the intercepting gums is now infected. it hurts. Well, it doesn't hurt all that much now (thank you ibuprofen) but when i was in work today, I went to get two games from the back for a guy, and i was so distracted by the pin, i forgot what games they were.

This was like, 7 seconds after he brought them up.


Anyway, I've not been updating because nothing's really been going on in my life worth mentioning. You know, outside of THA FUKKIN PAIN.

So yeah. I can't eat solid foods, because I can shut my mouth, because the back of my gums are swollen. think of it as like putting a little rubber ball right in the crux of a hinge. boingy boingy boingy.
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I love the game I'm not playing. [22 Aug 2003|12:11am]
[ mood | anxious ]

I'm currently not playing the EQOA: frontiers beta, and due to the NDA I've not agreed to, I'll not be able to not say anything about the game I'm not playing.

The game I'm not playing did not, in any way, knock my damn socks off. The music for the game I'm not playing isn't a fantastic, full orchestral soundtrack on the same lines of Star Wars and the Lord of The Rings series, The new models aren't detailed and realistic, the game DOES NOT look beautiful, and is not a deep, fantastic RPG that I'd not recommend to anyone who doesn't like that sort of thing.
I'm not totally drawn back in to a game I've not had only a passing intrest in before, and I'm not totally waiting for november 18th, when the game i'm not playing will not be released.

So, enough of that, I'm going off to not play some game I've never heard of before.

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oh yeah... [17 Aug 2003|03:12am]


go, click, love. NOW.
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whoa... [17 Aug 2003|03:07am]
[ mood | tired ]

You are Neo
You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm the one. No shit.

Anyway, I've basically been hired by sears, all that's left is the drug test. I'm should be ok, though...all that PCP I took yesterday should be out of my system by now. The heroin, too. And the blow.

not much else, really.


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oh yeah. [12 Aug 2003|10:51pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Adobe preimiere is now on my computer.

damn right, baby.

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yes, motherfuckers. [12 Aug 2003|10:38pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]


well, sent in an application for sears, the sales department (so i'll be hawking stuff to people, woot.), and i've got an interview at 2pm thursday.

That means I have...hmm... over 40 something hours to apply as much grease to my body as I can.

wish me luck, bitches.

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